


Starting Over

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-29
Updated: 2006-03-29
Packaged: 2019-02-02 01:31:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12716952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: The guys try to resolve their confrontation over Reece.





	Starting Over

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

"You stupid son of a bitch."

Alone in his office, Jack O'Neill could not stop Daniel's bitter words from echoing through his head. He ran his hand through his military-style gray hair as the scene from only a couple of hours before replayed itself in his mind like an over-played movie on late night cable. 

EARLIER

"Airman! Get that damn door open!" Colonel Jack O'Neill yelled at the top of his lungs. Commotion was all around him. People were running and shouting. Replicators were clacking their way through the base, barely audible above the explosion of gunfire all around. 

"Yes, Sir!"

"Well work faster! We've got to gain access to the gateroom!" Jack could only imagine what horrors might have befallen his friend Dr. Daniel Jackson alone in there with that *thing*, that monster, the Creator of the Replicators. 

"We're in, Sir!" Yelled the airman.

Jack flung himself through the opening into the gateroom, gun aimed and ready to fire. He saw Reece attacking Daniel and without a second thought he squeezed the trigger and shot her. To make sure the android was inoperative, he removed the chip and pocketed it. Then he looked at Daniel. 

Daniel was kneeling over Reece eyes downcast but he appeared to be okay. It took Daniel a few moments and then he spoke.

"You stupid son of a bitch." Jack's head shot up in surprise; it had been a long time since he had heard such venom in Daniel's voice.

It was after Daniel removed his glasses that Jack saw he was crying.

// Son of a bitch? //

"Hey, you're welcome."

Jack wondered what he'd missed. Reece, not a young woman but a hellish machine, was on the verge of destroying Earth like she had her own planet. 

// It also looked like she was about to go after you, Daniel. Again. I can still see her tossing you against that shelf like a rag doll. // 

"She was shutting them down." The hostility was thick in Daniel's voice.

"I had no way of knowing that and neither did you." 

// How could I have known? The gate room was sealed, we couldn't see in and the base was overflowing with Replicators. A number of good men were already dead I couldn't, wouldn't, risk more. Not you. 

In fact, Daniel, you had to realize no one knew what was going on in here. // 

"They didn't stop because you shot her, they stopped because she told them to."

// Like hell! They didn't seem to be stopping from my point of view. She had lost the ability to restrain them once before. //

"Carter said she was losing control. Now if just one of those damn things got out of this base, developed its own personality, we would be royally screwed."

More agonized staring.

"You just killed the only chance we'll ever have of stopping them." 

// Dammit Daniel! They had to be destroyed here! Now! Surely you can see that. I took what I saw as the last chance for safely ending the situation here. Not much good to the Asgard if we and all of our high-tech toys ended up as a picnic for those bugs. 

We've done this before, Daniel. You getting yourself killed to find an 'alternative' solution is *not* an option. Even if you don't think so. Why can't you see how important you are here, Daniel! So vitally important! Despite what you think, your life is probably the most valuable on this base.

Damn. //

"Look, I'm sorry. But this is the way it had to go down and you know it."

// Oh Daniel, I only wish you would stop looking at me with that pain and that hate and those tears in your eyes. // 

Jack felt like he wanted to throw up.

* * *

"You stupid son of a bitch."

Jack felt suffocated in his office and chose to roam the halls of the SGC in an effort to clear his head.

He wasn't sure he could heal his soul.

Jack O'Neill had considered the scene in the gate room in every conceivable way and he really couldn't see how things could have been different.

The Replicator threat was bad enough. If they hadn't been stopped, one could have too easily escaped the mountain and the certain result was catastrophic.

Everyone in the mountain, hell, on Earth, would have suffered what Jack suspected was the most horrific death possible.

Not least of all, that thing may well have killed Daniel.

The emptiness in his gut swelled and felt like it was about to suck in his heart and lungs. Oh, Reece may have looked like a young woman, acted like a naive child and maybe she truly meant no harm but she was dangerous and absolutely able to kill.

Jack knew he had done the right thing. A universe without the Earth was unacceptable to him and that Earth without a Dr. Daniel Jackson was equally unacceptable. 

He paused outside Daniel's office, where he always found himself when he needed comfort.

He knew Daniel was in there, safe. Likely hating Jack but safe. The void in his soul receded. Daniel had to be alive to hate him. 

The door to the office was closed, a clear indication that neither he nor anyone else was welcome. Jack could all but see a sign commanding 'Do NOT disturb and this mean you, Jack O'Neill' staring him in the face.

"You stupid son of a bitch."

The words echoed through his mind like a perverse mantra.

Upon reflection, Jack realized his most immediate concern had been for Daniel's safety. He tried to work out why that was his main worry. Jack was career military //at least when I'm not retired //, sworn to uphold the security of the country, and with the advent of the Stargate, the world. How had the safety of one archaeologist, albeit the most valuable to Earth's safety, his closest friend, //and biggest pain in the ass // somehow overshadowed the survival of the planet? 

Time factor. That had to be it. Daniel was in the most immediate danger. Had he hesitated it might have been too late for Daniel. Jack had no doubt he would have still killed Reece.

No, Jack didn't regret what he'd done and that was the bottom line. He knew having it // her // functional would have been preferable for the Asgard but hopefully they could still learn from its technology. The end result still would have been the same, since Reece was unlikely to have allowed anyone to flip the off-switch.

So why was his heart still pounding in fear? 

He really wanted to see Daniel, just to reassure himself that Daniel *was* okay but it didn't take an Einstein, Thor, Larry, Moe or Curley to know that Daniel's office was the last place he was wanted. 

Jack decided, in uncharacteristic fashion, to respect Daniel's wishes and walked away from the office. He knew if he stayed at the mountain he would not be able to maintain his resolve, so he decided to head home.

He made his way out of the mountain with a plan of stopping at Pop Top Liquors and putting an impressive dent in their supply of Jack Daniels and Michelob. He couldn't sort out his emotions; there were so many of them and they were all awful. He wasn't good at dealing with feelings but he did know that a heady mix of booze would make them go away, even if for only a time.

Jack's black truck tore down the mountain at near Mach speed.

* * *

In far too little time for Jack to have driven home safely, let alone make a stop, Jack was splayed out across his sofa, with the bottle of Jack, a glass and a several beers in front of him. He had decided to get 'good and falling down...end up puking up his guts...won't remember a damn thing drunk' and he was giving it an A-plus effort. 

But he couldn't shake the pain in his heart about Daniel. Shot after shot of whiskey and his memory was still stone fucking cold sober. 

He hurled the glass across the room so violently that it sounded like a window shattering.

"You stupid Son of a Bitch!" Daniel repeated for the millionth time, even if only his mind. 

Jack really wanted to scream. He wanted to scream and not stop but he felt so hollow and drained, he didn't have it him. 

Minus the glass now, he picked up the bottle of whiskey and chugged. It felt like an inferno going down, hot and caustic, bringing tears to his eyes. He welcomed the burn and didn't care about the tears.

Suddenly, he was furious with Daniel. How dare Daniel be so self-righteous that he condemn Jack's actions? What were his options? He was required to protect the world. He had to save Daniel.

Lost in the craze of agony, Jack did yell this time. "God Damn you, Daniel! God Damn, God Damn, GOD DAMN you Daniel! Why the hell can't I save you? I love you!"

He was shaking, with tears, perhaps induced by the alcohol but continuing on their own, running down his face.

The truth behind his pain at once became evident to Jack. He had feared he might lose Daniel. Daniel was the most important person in Jack's life. He caught himself off-guard with the word 'love,' but what else could better describe how he felt for Daniel? Daniel, his best friend, soul, conscience, the one who made life worthwhile for Jack again, even at his annoying-Daniel best. 

But he'd withdrawn from that connection. He and Daniel had been at odds lately; they had separated. So much had happened and for that moment in the gateroom Jack had felt cold, hard fear that there would never be the chance to be with Daniel again. Not like they had been and how he so desperately missed it.

Jack saw how much he needed Daniel with him.

* * *

Just as Jack's tirade morphed into a heartbroken cry fest, he heard a knock at the door.

Oh, he *so* didn't want company.

"Go the fuck away, or I'll let the dog out!"

There was no response for a moment and Jack thought his ruse worked.

"Jack, you don't have a dog." 

Daniel. 

There came another knock on his door, more insistent this time.

Jack felt surprise. He would have thought he'd be happy that Daniel came to him but he was anything but pleased and really didn't want to see him right now.

Of course, this may have had something, or a lot, to do with his really nasty drunk, red, swollen eyes and tear tracked face, as well as the fact he was facing his emotions, something he didn't do well, didn't like to do, didn't want to do.

"Daniel. Go away!" He yelled at the door, hoping his voice didn't expose his emotional state. "You made yourself *perfectly* clear earlier. I know how much you love to keep making your point but I'm not in the fucking mood. Go the FUCK away!" 

"No, Jack."

"Yes, Daniel."

"No Jack."

"Daniel, I said GO AWAY!"

"And I said no, Jack."

Daniel was not going away.

// Stubborn Daniel. Imagine that. //

Pleased that he made it to the door without falling, he leaned on it, waiting. He counted to three, at least he thought it was three and the knock came again.

He swung the door open, facing a greater struggle with gravity.

He was less than cordial as he greeted Daniel.

"You know what, Daniel? You wanted to be left alone earlier and despite the standard M.O., I left you alone. Is there some particular reason why you can't return the favor?"

Daniel observed Jack's condition. Drunk, definitely. Possibly soaked in alcohol to the point of requiring a new descriptive. Not unexpected. Despite Jack's macho, tough as nails, hard-ass colonel act, Daniel knew Jack cared for his 'kids' and he also knew Jack cared for him in a different way. They were best friends and Daniel knew Jack had too few friends.

Angry. Again, no surprise. The stages of Jack O'Neill grief. Anger was the first stop.

Tears were less easily understood. Due to his drunken, self-pitying, state, the tears were not unremarkable. Were Jack more in control, he would be the unemotional, aloof self that Daniel met on that first trip to Abydos. But there was also something else; something more. Daniel got the impression, he didn't know why, that Jack was crying for him; not just because he nearly got himself killed again but for some more personal reason; was he actually in distress?

Was Jack crying out of fear of losing Daniel? That would be a surprise considering how far apart they'd drifted in the last year. Daniel knew Jack had gone ballistic on several occasions when Daniel was believed dead but those times were long past. Nowadays he could have easily believed that Jack would be angry, not sad, because he had come close to losing a reasonably competent member of his team, end of story. 

It would seem Daniel stared too long, because Jack started to shut the door on him but a sober Daniel was quicker than a drunk Jack and he got his hands on the door and pushed it open.

"Well, please come in, Daniel." 

"I kind of thought you might want to talk."

Jack graced Daniel with an incredulous look.

"Okay, of course you don't want to talk, per se, but, um, well..." Daniel drifted off, not knowing exactly how to communicate the weird state they had of being together and resolving problems without ever actually *talking. *

"I know what you thought, Daniel. You thought that you'd come over and be all righteous. I'd admit the macho colonel-ass-shit of my ways, I'd apologize, you'd find some crap to apologize for too and everything would be fine. Well I don't think that's going to happen this time. I'm angry; in fact, I seem to be thoroughly pissed off. 

What's funny, Daniel is that earlier, I really did want to see you. In fact, the drive was so strong that I found myself standing outside your door. I left the fucking mountain to leave you alone and now I find that I'm not feeling very tolerant, not at all. So. You've seen me, in all my glory and you can gain your perverse glee in my tears and go away."

"No, Jack."

"God Damn! Were those your very first words?"

"Jack, please. Let me in."

"You are in," corrected Jack. 

"You know what I mean," added Daniel.

Jack looked at Daniel and through his drunken, tear-blurred haze, noticed that Daniel showed a real lack of serenity himself. Even in his self-absorbed outrage, Jack had to acknowledge that the ordeal earlier must have been painful for Daniel, too. Shaking his head to himself, Jack ushered Daniel in, indicating a seat on the couch.

// Hell, I'm such a sap when it comes to this freaking man. Willpower? That would be what Daniel has over me, right? //

Daniel sat down and looked at Jack.

Jack looked at Daniel.

Eventually, Daniel saw the cache of liquor and asked for a drink. 

"JD, straight, I think."

"Drink up, Archaeologist."

Looking around for a glass, Daniel saw only the shattered remnants against the wall, so he took the bottle. Daniel took a large swallow and then offered the bottle to Jack. Jack shook him off. 

"I'm fine. You need to catch up."

Daniel took a few more swigs from the whiskey and then looked to the beer for salvation. He was never much of a drinker and he wanted to help his brain cells to maintain a lead over the alcohol.

* * *

They sat together, neither speaking, for a few minutes.

After Jack decided Daniel was sufficiently loosened, he asked, "Okay Daniel, why are you here? And no nonsense that I might want to talk. I mean, please..." 

Jack seemed to sound clearer to Daniel. Did that mean Jack was sobering up or that Daniel was in a tie with the whiskey? He noticed that his hands felt oddly distant and decided on the latter.

"Jack, I... We... I mean, today it was... In the gateroom... Oh shit. I'm coming down with Jack O'Neillitis." He stopped. 

"Gee, thanks Daniel for coming all this way to comment on my emotional constipation."

Emotional constipation? Suspicion confirmed. Jack was coming back.

Daniel tried again. "Jack, I came by to talk about what happened between us today." // Good, Jackson, brain functioning. Spinning but functioning. //

"What happened today?" Jack did not sound friendly. "No, let me. Let me tell you what happened today."

// Oh yeah, Jack did mention angry. //

"Let's see. Hmmmm. Of course you nearly got yourself killed again today. No surprise there. You made best friends with the machine - yes, machine - that made the Replicators. The same machine that lost control of the Replicators, thereby loosing them on the universe. You got that hard head of yours smashed open by trying to talk to said machine. You put yourself at risk at every turn for that fucking thing. Once again, you chose not to listen to anyone else and decided you could save her, despite all evidence she was *defective*. 

Skipping to the end, you chose to try to 'help' her, stop her on your own, despite the fact that *she* was out of control. Oh, and of course, while you were doing therapy on that thing, her toys were running rampant on the base. Need I continue?"

Daniel just stared, wide eyed.

"Well, I think I will. Then, I hear you're shut in the gateroom with a pretty incarnation of Satan. Did you even know she had blanked out communication from the gateroom? Did it even occur to you? Did you think that we might be worried about you Daniel? That I might be worried? Scared shitless even?"

Daniel said nothing looking at his feet instead.

"We can't get in the gateroom, all the overrides were overridden. No one knew what was going on in there. We had to cut our fucking way in. Fucking awesome blast door.

Then, I come in to see you and that thing somehow entwined. That was all I needed, all I could take. As soon as she moved away from you, I made sure I blew her to robot hell."

"Oh, Jack..."

"Ah ah! Not done here. So anyway, I go to her, you're holding your wrist at an angle that wrists don't usually go and I take her chip out. By God, she will be good and damned dead. You look up at me with tears in your eyes. We argue and say really nasty things to each other. All you seemed to think relevant was that the poor confused android was dead. She was a fucking appliance, Daniel! 

Now at that moment it all came together for me; young, troubled, orphaned, unwanted. You identified with it. I *might* have saved your life - no pats on the back here intended - and somehow I feel like a total shit for destroying something you felt a connection to. How fucked up is that?" 

"Jack..." 

"I didn't say talk yet, Daniel. You wanted me to share? I'm sharing. All over your good shoes. 

So, we find the crisis has ended, Doc Frazier patches us all up, Hammond postpones debriefing and you haul ass to your office. I want nothing more than to talk to you and make it okay but I know I can't. I also know I can't keep away from you, so I leave the mountain.

On the way home, I get enough whiskey and beer to get damn good and numb and I dig in. But all the booze couldn't make the hurt go away. As a drummer now pounds an unrelenting speed metal beat in my head, I realize that it may not have been a good idea but it seemed like a damn fine plan at the time. And you know what else I realize? I'm pissed at you, really furious. I don't want to see you and endure your pompous sense of rightness aligned with your 'poor Colonel doesn't get it' crap. 

See, Daniel, I *do* get it. You're brilliant and I'm a military grunt, granted a Colonel grunt but I will never understand the finer points of your humane sentimentality. Since I was brought up to carry a gun and shoot whatever isn't tied down or waving a white flag, I could never get it. 'Me Colonel, watch me kill.' But dammit, I get it. Maybe not like you but I do. My idea of humane might be to try to save everyone on the planet. Blowing up the base, even with everyone in it would have had much better odds. Think Abydos, Daniel. There was a time..." 

With eyes like saucers, Daniel watched and listened to the older man. Jack was sharing.

"But you know the hardest part for me, Daniel? You'll love this. This is the totally emotional totally selfish totally 'kinder gentler' side. Don't be afraid. Got a tape recorder? You might want to record this for posterity..."

Daniel shook his head.

"Daniel, you broke my fucking heart. Those tears earlier? Not from too much booze."

Finally, Daniel did speak. "Jack I am so sorry for what I said to you. I *should* have thanked you, and instead all I could say was..."

"You think that's what broke my heart." It was not a question and it was not kind. 

"Yeah, Daniel, that was it. So *fucking* insightful of you. Thank you for saving me the trauma of telling you. I think it may be time for you to go."

"But Jack..."

"What? Not okay to drive? Let me call you a cab." Jack made as if to grab the telephone.

"No, Jack. I'm fine." Daniel was on his feet and to the door in seconds.

Jack just stared at Daniel. He was leaving.

"Look Jack," he said, turning to face the colonel. "I really mean that I am sorry. You were worried about me and if the situation had been reversed, I probably would have done the same thing. You're right, I did identify with Reece. Maybe that blinded me to the reality of the situation. I am also sorry you are so angry with me. Despite the circumstances, I thought that we were having a moment, like we used to have. I don't know what I said or did to refuel your ire. I just hope you can forgive me for that, too. 

Please know I miss you Jack, I miss *us*." 

Daniel stared a moment longer but Jack just concentrated on his feet, saying nothing.

"Good night, Jack."

* * *

Jack sat frozen in place, hearing rather than seeing his door open and close. Mere seconds passed and then Jack was moving. Fast. He had to stop Daniel from leaving. He suddenly saw that if he didn't resolve this with Daniel right now, their unique friendship might well be beyond recovery.

"Daniel, please, wait!" He was yelling even before he opened the door. He didn't think he'd heard a car drive off.

He looked out the door and saw Daniel sitting on the hood of his car, head in his hands, his arms supported by his knees. Seeing that nearly pushed Jack to tears for a second time that night. As he neared the car, Daniel never even looked up.

The archaeologist only noticed Jack as he sidled up beside him.

"Oh, sorry, Jack, just thinking. I'll go." Daniel rose from the hood of his car.

Touching Daniel lightly on the arm, Jack asked, "Please stay Daniel. Come back inside. *I'm* sorry. Please..." Jack motioned for them to go back into the house.

* * *

They were once again settled in the house, this time with coffee and seated on opposite ends of the sofa, facing each other. The silence had stretched out for many minutes.

Jack looked at Daniel, looked away, looked back and then spoke. "Daniel, I shouldn't have gotten so mad when you presumed what it was that hurt me. I know we've been bumpy for a while and I've been even more of an ass than usual. I'm really not good at having friends. Considering how distant I've been lately and how you seem to see yourself, your reaction was completely justified. It just hurt that much more if *that* was all of our friendship you saw left."

"Meaning of life stuff, Jack?" Daniel asked.

"Oh you know how much I love it." Jack sounded light and Daniel responded with a slight upturn of his mouth. "But, maybe, yeah. It's probably way past time for me to tackle 'meaning of life stuff' head on.

What broke my heart," Jack's tone stayed soft, "was the fact that you were willing to give your own life for the 'life' of a machine. That you still can't see the value of who and what you are. I don't understand it, Daniel. I refuse to understand it and I refuse to give in to your delusions of unimportance."

Daniel stared, mouth in an 'oh,' like a guppy.

"And it's not just that, Daniel. I was terrified that we might lose you, that *I* might lose you without having resolved this rift between us. I felt like I had failed you as a member of my team and at that moment I was faced with stark, cold fear that I might have failed you as a friend. I felt like I hadn't been able to protect you, to keep you safe."

"Jack, I'm not your responsibility."

"Actually, technically, yes you are. You are also my friend and I realized that I had let you down as a friend because I saw how things were going down today. I knew what was happening and I didn't even try to say anything to you. 

My heart nearly burst when I saw that I'd been really bad as a friend for a long while and that I nearly lost you today.

Daniel, you are a vital part of who I am and my life. I could go on without you but I wouldn't want to. You are the best friend I have, the best I've ever had. If you were gone, I'd feel like a part of my soul was missing, probably the better part. The bottom line is, I, well, you, that is, oh hell. God, I'm *so* bad with this shit."

Jack looked at Daniel for the first time since he began speaking to find Daniel staring at him with wide eyes. 

So blue, so open.

"I-Daniel, I understood for the first time that I love you as much as life itself."

"Oh," was the extent of Daniel's reply. 

"Hey, Daniel. No pressure here or anything, but I spill like the Exxon Valdez and all you say is and I quote 'oh.' Not supportive here, Daniel. You think this was easy? It was not easy. I will have a hangover the size of a Goa'uld mother ship tomorrow and I get no feedback from you, none. Tell me I've been a shit, tell me I'm pond scum; tell me the name of the next Discovery special you want to see. Say something."

* * *

Daniel thought long and hard about his next few comments. He knew that *how* he responded was as important as *what* he said if he didn't want Jack to shut down on him again, possibly for good. That was the last thing he wanted. If things got any worse between them, they'd be back to Abydos. The first time. Geek Time. He absolutely did not want that.

But he was stunned. Jack had really opened up to him in a way he never had before. He wanted them to get back to where they were in the days of Shyla, Plant Boy, and oh God, Spacemonkey, but he was afraid if he didn't say the right thing, or said it wrong, it could be lost to him. 

He thought about Jack. His best friend. His confidant. His rock. The one person in his life he couldn't imagine being without. 

For some reason his thoughts drifted to the rumors on base. So many thought he and Jack were 'doing it' though that couldn't be farther from the truth. It seemed their thinking was more closely aligned than he had thought twenty-four hours earlier; they indeed loved each other, but never in a physical way. Okay, they'd hug and Jack was known to kiss him on the head in times of true strife but that was not 'doing it.' Daniel was not ignorant of true physical closeness between men but that was something he'd never really had more than a fleeting thought about with Jack. 

// So why are you thinking about it now, Daniel? //

Daniel shook his head to clear those thoughts and return to the present. He was deeply moved by what Jack had said to him a few minutes before and had this overwhelming desire to share his feelings with Jack. On the other hand, Jack was definitely more sober and he knew that deeply emotional talk became more uncomfortable and less possible for Jack with sobriety.

Daniel thought more about what to say and apparently he took too long, because Jack responded with "well, yeah, whatever. I guess I was moved by the moment. Just forget..."

"Jack, I love you, too."

He'd said it.

"Oh, okay." It was Jack's turn for eloquent responses. He looked ill at ease.

"Daniel, I appreciate your saying that. Maybe there was a time it was true but how can you stand me, let alone *love* me after how snarky I've been?"

Daniel took hold of Jack's hands.

"Jack you are the best, closest, most important friend I have ever had. Why can't I love you?"

After a moment, Jack freed his hands.

"Yes, how can you?"

"Maybe I'm a masochist?" Daniel couldn't resist the jab. 

Jack seemed to welcome the lighter tone but grew serious again as quickly.

"Daniel..." Jack got up and paced the floor without saying anything more.

Daniel waited.

And waited.

Just when he thought Jack had gone mute, Jack broke the silence.

"Daniel, I don't think you totally understand what I meant."

"Yes, I did,"

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I..."

"NO.YOU DIDN'T."

Jack's hollering stopped Daniel in mid-sentence.

"Then explain it to me, Jack."

"Daniel..."

Jack took a deep breath. He had no real idea how to say this. He had only just made sense of it for himself, let alone trying to explain it to Daniel.

Well, Colonel, how about being direct? Certainly not your usual approach, but, hey, what the hell... one more change for the pattern of a lifetime.

Daniel saw a change in Jack and tried to prepare for... whatever.

"Daniel, yes, I do love you. Like a friend, like a companion, like a rock, like someone I can't live without."

"Okay, same page..." Daniel replied, confusion apparent on his face.

"Like someone I *really* love. You know... like, I 'love' you." Jack gazed intently into Daniel's eyes.

"Yeah..." Daniel said.

Jack watched him. 

And watched.

// 5-4-3-2... //

"Oh!" said Daniel. "Oh. Oh, wow. Oh."

// That's my linguist. So linguistically profound.// Jack smiled.

* * *

"Jack, I'd never thought... I mean, I... I mean, I've, um... A little... Well, okay, I mean, not just scholastic curiosity... Of course, reading all the classics, I mean... But you... you *love* love me? I don't... I mean, WHY?"

"Ok-k-a-y... Let's see. Yes, I understand. Not in the military profile, huh? And not often, or recently. You? Okay, I guess I shouldn't be surprised here. Classics, boring; I don't expect you to, yes, I do and because you are a wonder and completely slipped under my fingernails while I wasn't looking."

Daniel just stared once more and Jack couldn't help but chuckle at having so completely caught him off guard. His amusement quickly faded as he abruptly felt completely naked in the situation.

"Daniel, I'm not asking you to return my feelings. I'm not even sure what possessed me to tell you. I have no expectations, here. I want no more from you than what you can give and our friendship is really the bottom line for me. Please don't feel like I really count on something developing. I guess I just thought for once I needed to be completely honest with you."

"Well thank you, Jack, for the honesty. But I don't need you making my decisions for me."

"What decision? There *is* no decision for you. You've never even thought about it. This is my thing, in my head. I ask only that you be my friend."

"I asked you earlier why I couldn't love you. I have to ask again, why can't I love you?"

"Do you?" Jack asked, "as anything other than a friend?"

"Jack, you mean as much to me as you said I do to you. I admit, I had never really thought of it in another way. That doesn't necessarily mean I can't. 

And now I'm considering it." Daniel walked over to where Jack had stopped pacing. He led him by the arm to sit back down on the sofa, closer to one another this time.

"Jack, I love you. I have loved you for a long time. Honestly? There have been fleeting thoughts but why would I dwell on the impossible? My first feeling, my gut reaction to what you said was wonder and a feeling of rightness. Maybe I never saw it for *this* because it was always us. When I got here this evening, I knew you were crying for me and that changed a lot of what I took for granted between us."

Daniel moved closer to Jack and put a hand to his face.

"All I know right now is that I look forward to what we try and what we may become. I don't even really know the language for this and I doubt you do, either."

Jack tilted his head in acknowledgement. 

"So we have the chance to learn together. One day, I want to hear how you realized this but for now, being Jack and Daniel together is enough."

Daniel looked at Jack, seeing the love in Jack's eyes. He had no doubt the same look was reflected in his own.

They pulled each other into a gentle hug that was closer to holding one another as they relaxed into the cushions. After a comfortable silence, Daniel spoke.

"Jack." 

No reply.

"Jack?"

Still nothing. 

Daniel turned in the hug to see his friend's soft gray head resting on his shoulders, eyes closed, and a small spot of drool forming on his shoulder. 

Smiling, he relaxed back into the comfortable embrace and joined Jack in sleep.

THE END.


End file.
